| The stories of our lives. |
[Mar. 24th, 2009|02:30 pm] |
Is it true that as things change, things stay the same?
I ask this in reference to personality, and character. I know that I'm a completely different person now, and looking back five years ago I hardly recognize what I was. Things happen, events happen, moments happen and looking back is fine but I am the type to always look forward. So on days like today when I talk to friends from back home and they ask how I've been, it feels... awkward when they tell me that I'm different, that I changed. I *know* it to be so, but for someone to tell you that, especially when that someone is a friend.. I don't know how I feel about it.
I was talking to another friend about her wedding plans and how we've changed so much since we met. She told me that even though I'm different from then there are some things about me that will never change. "Great Teacher something-ortheother," she said. "You're still very much like him."
It's funny that I admit that one of my heroes growing up in the last decade was a fictional character, but yeah.. maybe some influences don't go away so easily..
..no matter what, I still want to be Great. |
|
|
| LJ, my new destressor? |
[Mar. 15th, 2009|10:10 pm] |
Life has been intensely busy in the last year. After losing so much 'time' in the past I started a locomotion that now seems almost unstoppable. Biting off more than I can possible chew, I'm drowning myself in so many things in so many different ways that stress from the sheer challenge has been dragging me to somewhere I don't want to be. I was getting exasperated by the simplest annoyances when normally I'd have the patience of the grand mountains of this world.
The other day I wrote to my... well, let's say friend, and within what I wrote was a story of how my bestfriend and I grew up together, how he changed over the years, and how he eventually found the girl of his dreams and is getting married. After writing it all out a wave of peace splashed my inner essence and I found a calm that I have not noticed in the longest time. As that particular day went on I realized that by writing things out I am giving my self a cathartic release.
I'm doing well otherwise. I'm chasing dreams that are nearing impossible but I only have this one life to live, right? |
|
|
| friendship. |
[Aug. 12th, 2008|03:36 am] |
"Sorry, let me make introductions," said a burly man. "Simon, meet Simon. And beside him is Keith. The two of them help me run the place."
I shook the other man's hand and gave him a nod of respect, but at that point in time I was thinking something else.
'Wow, I can't believe Mike thinks so highly of me.'
It was at that moment that I realize my value to a person who is technically my boss; but is more of a friend.
The current job is but a stepping-stone. A point in my life that wouldn't last forever but will fondly be remembered. I try my best everyday and never do I ask why. It's because the people I work with are my friends. No matter if they are 'above' or 'below' me. To me they are all friends, and I simply want things to be good for them.
"I want you in on the management bonus, Simon," the burly man said. "You've always been doing your best for us and the least we can do is take care of you."
Thanks Mike. I won't disappoint. |
|
|
| Hell is other people. |
[Jun. 12th, 2008|02:40 am] |
No matter how nice I am toward people a few of them always come back to bite me in the ass. People who I would never imagine to cross speak ills behind my back and state that I said things I never have even thought of saying. People who used to be friends, who I used to talk to regularly end all communications with me. It's almost funny - that attitude exists with high schoolers, not now at my current age. Nonetheless it happens.
It's interesting how not too very long ago I used to be an introvert and would be perfectly fine living on a secluded island with no one around... why the heck am I extroverted now and constantly dabble into social drama... why.. |
|
|
| It's all biology. |
[Jun. 4th, 2008|12:11 am] |
[For young men]... the prefrontal cortex, or decision-making part of the brain, has not yet become fully integrated with the limbic system, or emotional center. "The prefrontal cortex," says a Dr. Volkow, "lets us reason with our emotions and desires and take some control over them. The older we grow, the more we learn how to do this."
If this is the case then it explains a lot of things. |
|
|
| Working Out |
[May. 13th, 2008|05:05 pm] |
Finally went back to the gym today after a week of nursing my back. It felt real good. My lower back muscles are still a little tight and hurts a bit if I put too much pressure on it but I think the exercises are needed to loosen that problem out.
On another note, I've been thinking a lot about the situation the world is in / will be going to. With global warming, over-population, mortgage-crisis, economic slowdown, peak oil, never-ending wars, etc etc; I wonder if aspiring for the cliche sub-urban dwelling with a family of four is even feasible anymore. Then again, the world has always been a messy place and people still live on and reproduce. That is the meaning of life afterall, right? In a biological sense anyways - we live to make more life. Perhaps one day modern civilization as we know it will collapse (much like what happened to other great empires such as the Romans), but humans will continue to exist in some ways.
heh too much thinking.. too deep for a beautiful tuesday morning. |
|
|
| busy-ness |
[May. 11th, 2008|03:45 am] |
|
Been doing nothing but school work, working and trying to exercise lately. I'm hoping that burnout is a significant distance away because I'm pushing myself pretty hard. There are days that I feel lonely and wish I had someone to talk to - I think I feel that way these days because I've changed from being an introvert into an extrovert. Being around familiar people gives me energy in ways. I'm definitely going to try to catch up with friends soon, but until then I'm investing into my future, and with the way the world seems to be spinning I'm going to have to invest a lot. |
|
|
| baaaad baaaack |
[May. 5th, 2008|10:15 am] |
|
My parents recently purchased 95 acres of land with a couple of their friends (partnership). We were there at the beautiful property clearing out dead trees and cleaning up an area to build some buildings (cottage perhaps?). Long story made short - I axed down a tree and tried moving the tree but ended up severely hurting my back. I can't sit for long periods of time and sleeping is an unbelievable challenge. Any advice for a fast heal? |
|
|
| Home |
[May. 3rd, 2008|01:24 am] |
It is strange how a place that is suppose to be 'home' can feel so foreign, and a place that is foreign can feel so much like home.
I like coming back 'home' to Aurora, even if it's just for a weekend. My parents are giving off an aura that they miss me, and I truly have been neglecting them for a very long time. No matter how much my parents present this place as my 'home' it'll never feel like it. Most likely because I never really 'grew my roots out' here, in Aurora. I'm a different person now, compared to when I first left this place (well, Newmarket to be honest, but the two small townships are right beside each other and so similar they may as well become one actual town).
Every time I come back here the entire landscape is different. One month there will be a new theatre; the next, a super-walmart. Even the population is dramatically changing. What was once a 'pure' white community is now evolving into more of the multicultural stew that defines Toronto. I really don't know what to make of it. I still get strange looks by white folk which confuses me. If the township is changing into a multicultural community, how is it that I'm still looked upon as an alien much like two decades ago? Is it my height?
I've learned to shrug it off and ignore it. Most looks and glances are non-malicious in nature so I'm more of a spectacle than a threat, which is nice. I feel for the people of middle eastern backgrounds. Too much animosity.. I suppose it's human nature, sadly enough.
On a tangent, there was this white kid that used to work where I work. He was young, skinny, and if it wasn't for his behaviour he'd be considered a normal, young white male. His thing was, he was 'black'. He listened to only hip hop and rap. He only wore clothes that culture has defined to be representing of black youth. From his own words he was 'from the hood', whatever that is suppose to mean. Needless to say, the rest of the staff would ridicule how ridiculous he was of a character. From how pale he was, to how he would never truly understand what it would be like to be on 'the streets' the staff would be merciless in their judging. I surprised myself by coming to his defense. Sure it seems pretentious to us that he acts that way, I told them. But I'm sure it would seem just as, or even more, pretentious to himself if he acted any other way. Taking myself as an example, I'm one confused mutt - asians see me as too white, where as white people still see me as an asian. I've been called everything in the book from whites/asians: 'banana, twinkie, asian sensation, CBC, Whisian, etc etc'. At the end of the day, I can't pretend to be something I'm not. I can't force myself to change my identity and start driving rice rockets, or wear fitted caps, or adopt 'fashionably' colourful, but random clothing from locations such as Pacific Mall. I can't change myself to _only_ listen to rap and hiphop. My identity has almost solidified itself, and changes from here on will only be minor ones.
Race (and religion) will always be hot topics. I believe we are products of our nature - society, the people we grow up with, the friends we make, the principles that we adopt, etc. The key to a lasting peace is that we try to understand and accept one another of our differences. You may hardpressed to find me with a group of immigrant asians or brown people (which I have been with before) because of differences in personalities and behaviours, but that doesn't give me an excuse to pre-judge.
On a lighter note, I finally got myself a costco membership. Sure shopping is the bane of all humanity / sweatshops are evil / consumerism is the devil / globalization will lead to the world's end / etc etc etc...
But the money I save on protein powder, protein bars, and new socks and undies was unbelievable! Oh yeah, and the sincere child-like smile on my mom's face after she got to sample all the goodies was pretty momentous to me too. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 27th, 2008|11:17 am] |
|
It is without a doubt that the greatest rewards in life follow the greatest challenges. |
|
|
| blah-day |
[Apr. 24th, 2008|03:53 pm] |
|
Today was my first day off in awhile, and I had big plans to make the most of it. Instead of jumping out of bed and embracing the day, I dragged my sorry body out and crawled back in. My throat is hurting and I haven't felt so physically weak in such a long time. It's 4pm and I only have one (of many) tasks done... hopefully I can finish some more before I sleep tonight.. So tired though.. haha just 'one of those days'. |
|
|
| Age? |
[Apr. 23rd, 2008|03:08 am] |
It is wonderfully strange how different people are when it comes to maturity, mannerisms, and how they think and act (modus operandi?). I was thinking about this today at work because the age disparity is apparent at the job. From a 15 year old hostess all the way to a 30something year old manager, there are certain qualities that allow the group to get along and respect one another, but at the same time there are worlds of differences. This topic can get extremely ballooned but I'll keep it simple today.
It baffles me, in a good way, how an 18 year old kid who enjoys phallic jokes can be more mature, and level-headed than most 20something year olds. Or how that 15 year old jail-bait has a broader world-view than another host who was born a decade prior.
Thoughts like these make me give myself a moment to appreciate the differences that we all have and to not be so judgmental that some individuals may not fit our expectations. Hmmm... maybe expectations isn't the right term to use... but the idea is still there...
What also interests me is the fact that the past-me would not be capable of interacting with these people in the manners that the present-me is able to. What will I take from all this thinking? The road named change is inevitable, so sit back and enjoy the view. |
|
|
| Work |
[Apr. 20th, 2008|02:50 pm] |
|
Working day-by-day, almost everyday makes me realize how difficult it is to squeeze things that I should strive to do on any given day. Things like exercising, reading, keeping contact with friends are all so difficult to accomplish now. I could sacrifice sleep, but I feel as though I never can get enough. On the bright side, I can try to balance this aspect of my life now before I get too old. |
|
|
| Valuable Life Lesson #38741b |
[Apr. 17th, 2008|04:11 pm] |
No, I don't really keep track of the valuable life lessons I stumble upon. But perhaps I should... and so this should be VLL#1
'There is no point in judging, criticizing, and getting angry at the action, or in some cases, the lack of action of others.'
I finally came to this after several years of living with friends and strangers. There really is no point is labeling and keeping track all the faults of house mates/roommates/etc, because in the grand scheme of things their current lifestyle, if continued, will lead to their own undoing. Sort of karma-ish in a way, but self-fulfilling. There is no point in getting angry if they are too lazy to take out the garbage, clean up after themselves, go grocery shopping, eat healthy stuff instead of constantly feasting on delivery pizza, instant noodles, chicken fingers and fries. What's the point of harp on them for being too lazy to work on school work, go to the gym, get out for fresh air, SHOWER every once in awhile.
People I don't live with would, time to time, ask me how come I don't put my foot down. I've tried, but really... I don't see a reason anymore. I'll take the frustrations and annoyance they instill in me and use that raw energy to push more productivity in my own life.
On a different topic, I've started my fulltime summer job at the local Boston Pizza. These 9hour shifts are going to take a lot of time away from the other things I want to do (such as exercising) so I'm going to have to really work on time management. After being here, part-time, for the last 8 months I'm really happy to have the amount of respect I get from the management team. Sure the pay is low, but I rather have that and friend-like relations with management over a job with decent pay but crappy boss any day. |
|
|
| The End is not Near! |
[Apr. 15th, 2008|03:00 am] |
I've been watching a lot of 'My Name is Earl' lately and the whole Karma idea has been invading my thought patterns of late.
It's sort of news to some people I've come to known in my life, but the lady that I've been with for the better part of the last three years has left several months ago. It's a shame really, we had a good thing. But what's interesting (coincidental? karma?) has been how one-by-one I've randomly stumbled into friends - friends that I've made as early as my high school days, and the years following. It has been an amazing time catching up with everyone (hi Diane!) and honestly, I get this warm, energetic feeling after spending literally hours talking about old times and potential new times.
I wonder why I feel this way (aside from simply missing them all this time). Perhaps it's because after not seeing them for so many years, talking to them again reminds me of my past self - the lad with the bright eyes, naive hopes and dreams, permanent silly grin, and boundless energy. Time has taken it's toll on me over the years, but it definitely hasn't made a dent in my friendships. What I've lost through the years my old friends have given me hope - hope that I can attain those interesting quirks that I use to have. 'Un-jade' myself perhaps?
The lesson here? Even though I don't really believe in Karma (I'm definitely no Earl Hickey), perhaps there is some sort of force out there that's trying to tell me something. A message that's above moving on from a relationship, growing up, establishing a career life, etc. Maybe that 'force' is trying to reach out and say "Remember the past, embrace the future, and never forget those who walked beside you!"
....or something like that?
.......I need more sleep haha |
|
|
| Several Years now? |
[Apr. 10th, 2008|03:50 pm] |
It's been awhile since I wrote something substantial here *chuckles to himself*
Ignore my terrible grammarisms and englishisms please and thanks. I don't care that I suck at this writingism stuff.
Life is about learning,
and truly, I've grown and devoured lessons like some insatiable monster.
Am I any closer to where I'm suppose to be? Not really. My parents stomp that fact in my head every chance they get.
"When will you get a job?"
"When will you settle down?"
"Stop fooling around and get serious with life!"
"Will we ever get grandkids from you?"
ad nausem
I don't really let it get to me (for the most part - sometimes it gets annoying). They just worry and care, I tell myself.
I've been through school, and decided to stay in school.
I've been through one hell of a rollercoaster relationship that taught me a lot about myself.
I've been through part-time job after part-time job trying to find out what I enjoy doing.
I've been exercising... and then not... and then again.. and then not.. and then again...
I've found out who my true friends are - you know, the kind of folks that will be there when you need to talk, vent, explode, implode, mumble, deliver poor jokes, laugh at yourself, etc etc.
I've also found out that there are PLENTY of people out there who you may not know very well but care enough to be there in place of your 'true friends'. Why? because they're potential friends in the making.
I've been growing up, without a doubt.
I also enjoy eating.
So what's on my plate now?
I'm 95% sure that I want to get into pharmacy.
So I've been reading the books, talking to the professionals, drawing the maps, and visualizing the victory day in my mind over and over again.
It's going to be an interesting journey there. I'm 23 now and probably be 28-30ish when I finally get out of school. People here that and laugh/mock/worry/hesitate about me being in school for SO DAMN LONG. But eh, the grass isn't so green on the otherside of the fence; the 'Real World' isn't so amazing as everyone makes it out to be. Correction, no one has said the 'Real World' is amazing.
Exercise - everyone should do it!
It's common knowledge that regular exercise and a balanced diet will lead to a long beautiful life. That's something that you buy from a drug store.
Travel - because you're only young once.
This one's going to be tricky. As much as I would love to travel raising the funds for it is going to be tough. On one hand I need to eliminate my current debt and save for the future debt(s), on the other hand.... traveling haha
I'll figure it out later. Already I have friends advertising cheap getaways, volunteer abroad, and a whole slew of other neat ideas.
What's interesting about growing up, being 23, all that jazz, is the fact that no matter how much I change.. some parts of me will always be the same.
I still laugh at terrible jokes.
I'm still optimistic to a fault.
I still play video games.
I still listen to popular/weird/unpopular/variety/awkward/okay music. (but so should everyone!)
I'm still the same in so many ways that it makes me laugh
The last half decade I've transformed from being a shy, timid boy to a confident young man brimming with potential, able to strike conversations with strangers, and truly believing that he has something to offer.
It's amazing! All that has happened, all that will happen. Life in general, is never general. The lessons, the people, the memories..
The call it a quarter life because it has just begun.. |
|
|
| Aging. |
[Dec. 7th, 2006|01:01 pm] |
I am dying.
Every day, with every breath I draw, I am closer to the end of my life. For we are born with a finite number of breaths, and each one I take edges the sunlight that is my life toward the inevitabe dusk.
...
I cannot control the truth of death, whatever my desperation. I can only make certain that those moments in my life I have remaining are as rich as they can be.
-Drizzt Do'Urden
It may seem quite paradoxical that I speak of such an abysmal topic in light of relative youth, but during the anniversary of my birth it seems almost appropriate. Life presents many riches, but the richest, even if most do not consider it so, would be death. For in death, life is given meaning. It allows for reflection or, if not more important, the certainty that the end brings worth to new beginnings.
I do not contemplate death; far from it! I expect to enjoy my following days as greatly as possible. But realizing that an end is in sight (no matter how distance it may possibly be), gives me motivation toward 'Life' and dicovering its riches.
I am a thinker, as many friends will attest to. Methodical and maybe even excessive, I shall give deep lasting thoughts into too many a subject. And on a day such as today I am left wondering what is there left to focus my thoughts on. Experience has surely shy-ed from me and shown me little of herself! But I feel compelled to believe that I've gone through much, that I am a radically different person this time last year, or the year before that, or the year before that one...
A friend once spoke of life being analogous to a conveyor belt. The idea was that we started off as 'raw', having no special form, function, or reason for being. Slowly as we progress through this conveyor belt change occurs, and little by little form, function and reason (experiences) are tacked on to us. And when the time comes that we are to leave the conveyor belt, we would be the cumulation of all that we have experienced; of the knowledge bestowed upon us from friends, family, society; of all the memories and lessons that life has given to us.
It is a wonderful analogy, beautiful in the sense that it presents us a simple picture of what it is like to mature and develop. But it is in error for it does not recognize the great Mystery. I shall not talk about the existence of that great Mystery, for that is a topic all in itself, but what is important to me is the connection that we all share with that Mystery...
Even if two individuals were to go through the exact same conveyor belt, and was tacked on with all the most similar experiences and parts of life, the end-products are still two individuals unique as life itself. The reason for this is what the conveyor belt cannot impart, and what comes with simply taking part of life - the soul.
And I digress...
Though my years are young, my body feels, more times than it should, older. Some fortunate days my body tells me I'm younger than my years mark me to be. Nonetheless, living day by day, I strive to enjoy what is offered with each rising morning. My body goes through many changes and phases living day by day. There are times when I'm sick. There will be times when I act too ambitiously and burnout my body. There will be times where I forget to exercise and leave my body less rich than it should be. There will also be times where I provide poor fuel for my body, and suffer the consequences of such choices later on. The soul however, -my soul- continues to grow - to mature and develop. And yes it is possible to pollute the soul just as it is to pollute the body, but the soul is more resilient. It is able to fight on when the body ceases to function. The soul will always continue to represent the true us, no matter the changes we do to our bodies...
And on days like today, I feel old. For my soul tells me so.
I have developed the capacity for recognizing death being a part of life. I am ready for such a day if it ever comes to me, and at the same time I acknowledge the riches yet to be stumbled upon in life. My body may be going through a metaphorical conveyor belt, but my soul yearns and learns of life in all sorts of directions, without guidance but with trust that there will be no misdirection. And if my soul is to encounter possible misdirections, my companion souls - my closests friends, my most loving family, will surely be my lighthouse if ever a strong fog were to appear.
It is with these thoughts and more that found home in my mind of late. If I was younger such actions would upset me, but for some reason now, I welcome them.
-Simon
On a side note, I want to thank my friends and family for still being with me, and continuing to love and share experiences with me through these last 22 years of my existence. Too many people believe that birthdays are about receiving gifts, but truly, those gifts have already been received and continue to be received. It is only correct to give acknowledgement and thanks =] |
|
|
| [/end reading week] |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|08:48 pm] |
And so my little break from school comes to an end. This reading week I got a lot of 'me' time and so I stop and gave pause to my life (somewhat). I thought a lot, about this and that; sometimes things random, sometimes thing that I needed to think about.
I gave my life and it's direction a thorough analyzation, complete with repeat.
What really hit me was yesterday. My father and mother's 25th wedding anniversary. It was a family event of small portions. My grandpa and grandma was there and so was my aunt and my two little cousins, and although we only celebrated by having dinner at a restaurant the moment was wonderfully engraved into my mind. I think I really understood what I truly desire in life after that night. It became so clear to me that I had troubles sleeping even though my physical body has become exhausted from the days prior.
I want my own family.
Well.. I have a family obviously, but what I mean is that I want the children, family responsibilities, commitment, the goofiness, a house, the title of 'father' and 'husband', the guranteed crazy times, the odd tasks, the repetition, sleepless nights, picture-perfect moments, not-so-perfect moments, the challenges, the rewards, and all that jazz... I want to start my own family.
Yeah.. this sounds silly, especially for someone who just stepped into his 21st year of life.
But yeah.. heck yeah.. I really want that. I feel it's time to grow up.
Nonetheless, I'm no fool. I'll establish myself first. Become nothing-short-of-great with all that fancy-dancy success that the older traditional folk talk about. Along the way I'll enjoy the moments as they come to me, and have fun with the amazing friends that I have.
One day though... one day.. |
|
|
| Valentine's Day.. |
[Feb. 14th, 2006|10:01 pm] |
To start this all off, I am stating that I do not endorse the disgusting commercialism of this 'day'.
However, there are some points I would like to make to back up this day since everyone and their mothers seems to vehemently hate this day...
First off, what's wrong with the notion of a day where we show our loved ones appreciation and gratitude for caring and nourishing us? I can almost imagine the moans now that are being uttered by some people upon reading the aforementioned question. Yes, we just went through Christmas, but have any of you truly analyzed the months that we just went through? After Christmas comes New Years with all of its resolutionary glory. In January people begin to buckle down and realize the large amounts of money that they have spent during the festive holiday season. From the rather cheery atmosphere of Christmas comes the cold, hard reality in January. We try our best to regain control of our lives. Everything becomes a personal event; we strive for individual conquests. Along the way something happens. So focused on our own lives we begin to 'not-pay-as-much-attention' to our loved ones. The worst part is that people are naive to these changes and believe that everything is just in 'ordinary' time.
Ever heard of 'SAD'? Seasonal Affective Disorder is a depression that occurs each year at the same time, usually starting in fall or winter and ending in spring or early summer. As seasons change, there is a shift in our 'biological internal clocks' or circadian rhythm, due partly to these changes in sunlight patterns. This can cause our biological clocks to be out of 'step' with our daily schedules. The most difficult months for SAD sufferers are January and February, especially with all the monetary, social and individual pressures. Younger persons and women are known to be at higher risk.
So what does this all have to do with Valentine's Day? Simple. There is never a 'wrong' time to show the people in our lives and around us heartfelt appreciation. Considering the timing of Valentine's Day, I would even dare to say that it's a 'better' time to do so! While the ones around us are 'down', overly focused with everything and trying to stablized the chaos in their lives, it would be wonderful to make them a simple card (maybe with a heart on the outside?) and inside the card just tell them that they are great and make you happy. Consumerism and materialism DO NOT need to be underlying reason for Valentine's Day - warm thoughts and honesty should be. Non-platonic love should be shared and revealed. There is nothing wrong with telling a friend that you are grateful for them to be in your life.
Yes, the market shifts the focus of Valentine's Day too far in favour of couples and purchases, but 'Singles' Awareness Day' is a poor sarcastic joke, and an even abysmal attempt at challenging the market Why? Because those 'awared singles' seek company in the usual form of friends while mouthing off at the tackiness of the 'day'. Remember sharing those candies and cards on Valentine's Day during elementary school? Why not recover that and give a silly VDay card that will surely induce a smile to a close friend that you're probably going to spend the day with anyways?
Whether you are in a relationship or not, showing the people around you that you care will never be tacky. And considering the timing of Valentine's Day it is almost beneficial. Next year, instead of preaching how unfair Valentine's Day, becoming bitter, and isolating people in your life, embrace the day and do something nice. Who knows? Maybe the year following you might just get a silly, smile-inducing, preferably handmade VDay card of your own..
=] |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
mugen_rockstar's journal